Checking the roots

"Now, we will compare the word unto a seed. Now, if ye give place, that a seed may be planted in your heart, behold, if it be a true seed, or a good seed, if ye do not cast it out by your unbelief, that ye will resist the Spirit of the Lord, behold, it will begin to swell within your breasts; and when you feel these swelling motions, ye will begin to say within yourselves—It must needs be that this is a good seed, or that the word is good, for it beginneth to enlarge my soul; yea, it beginneth to enlighten my understanding, yea, it beginneth to be delicious to me." (Book of Mormon, Alma 32:28)

This year my sweet three-year-old and I planted flowers.  I had some old seeds from a mothers day gift and my daughter and I bought the dirt and pot to plant them in.  She was so excited.  Me--I was skeptical.  I do NOT have a green thumb.  My experience has been that I kill every plant I touch.  So, although I wanted the seeds to grow, I honestly had no faith that they would.  I didn't know what I was doing.  I wasn't sure if I was watering them too much or not enough, whether they were getting enough sunlight in our dark apartment, whether I had planted them too deep or far enough apart, and so on.

But I guess by definition I was exercising my faith by my action of planting them, watering them daily, and watching to see if anything happened.  And something did happen.  Not too long after we planted them we started to see tiny little shoots poking out of the soil.  I was giddy!  I literally cried.  Why did this matter so much to me?  I'm really not sure.  But it did.  It was thrilling to know that I could grow something.  That I could nurture it and give it what it needed.  There are many different analogies that could be drawn from this story, but today I want to focus on the scripture above.

I takes faith to plant a seed and wait to see if it grows.  But if it is a good seed, and you are being intent in your nurturing of the seed, it will grow.  It will flourish as you care for it, and this is how you grow a testimony.

My flowers were growing steadily, getting stronger and thicker.  I was so proud of them.  I guess they represented for me the fact that I was capable of more than I give myself credit for.  I can do hard things.  That's why I was so crushed one morning to find this:

My one-year-old had climbed on a chair and gotten to my flowers.  She had yanked them out of the soil and tossed them on the ground.  Only a few sad little shoots survived the purge.  I was heartbroken.  Again, I cried.  I was frankly surprised by my emotional reaction.  It wasn't until this point that I realized how much those flowers meant to me and what they represented.

As I sadly gathered them up off the floor, I noticed that most of the roots were still intact.  Maybe they could still be saved!  I carefully replanted each one and put my pot back in the windowsill.  When I was finished my mind naturally turned to the analogy hidden in this experience.

I recently had confronted some difficult questions about the church and the gospel as I perceived it.  It had really shaken my spiritual world and I was left to reassemble my testimony again and again.  I realized through the experience with my flowers that what I had really been doing was pulling up my testimony plant to check it's roots.  Did I really know there was a God?  Did I really believe in Christ?  And more presently, did I really know the LDS church was true?  I kept allowing myself to read faith questioning literature disguised as just another persepctive, and in doing so I was walking a dangerous line.  I kept forcing myself to check the roots of my testimony.  This had the potential to weaken and maybe even kill my testimony.

So what should I have been doing instead? My seeds had grown, my faith had been rewarded, the seeds were good.  My testimony plant was growing beautiful and strong.  These were all evidence that the roots were fine, sufficiently feeding my plant.  Instead of tearing it out of the ground, I should have been feeding my plant with water, sunlight, and fresh air--with prayer, scripture study, and service.

Now, it's not a perfect metaphor, but this experience and the analogy it produced in my mind spoke truth to my heart.  To illustrate further, consider this scripture story about Jesus approaching his disciples in the boat, walking on the water.

27 But straightway Jesus spake unto them, saying, Be of good cheer; it is I; be not afraid.
28 And Peter answered him and said, Lord, if it be thou, bid me come unto thee on the water.
29 And he said, Come. And when Peter was come down out of the ship, he walked on the water, to go to Jesus.
30 But when he saw the wind boisterous, he was afraid; and beginning to sink, he cried, saying, Lord, save me.
31 And immediately Jesus stretched forth his hand, and caught him, and said unto him, O thou of little faith, wherefore didst thou doubt?
32 And when they were come into the ship, the wind ceased.
33 Then they that were in the ship came and worshipped him, saying, Of a truth thou art the Son of God. (New Testament, Matthew, Chapter 14)

In this story, it is the moment that Peter takes His eyes off the Savior--when he gives his attention to the storm around him instead of giving his attentions to Christ--that he begins to fear and doubt and sink.   Now, I'm not saying that we can or should stick our heads in the sand or that it's better to be oblivious to the war that wages around us.  But I do think it is important for each of us to stop and consider carefully what we are giving our prime time and attention to.  We must be aware of the power and influence we give to whatever or whoever has our focus.

Do you participate and engage in things that edify and uplift you?  Or do you find yourself doubting and drowning, and continually checking your roots?

If this is the case, I challenge you to replant your testimony and then feed it with positive sources that reflect and magnify the light of Christ.  Go back to the basics: pray intently, study the scriptures, go to church and the temple, be selfless in your service to others.  This requires faith.  It takes faith to believe that you don't need to check the roots.  But your faith will be rewarded.  It is only in this way that your testimony of the gospel can strengthen and flourish, and your roots can develop and grow.