"I'll Go Where You Want Me To Go"

I've had music on my mind this week.  I have found myself waking up many mornings with a different hymn from General Conference playing through my head.  These songs have helped guide and focus my thoughts each day, and my gratitude has been growing for music in general as well as the hymns.

So today I thought I'd highlight one of the songs I've been thinking about.  This one was sung in the General Relief Society Meeting two weeks ago (although the video is from a couple years ago.)  Will you listen to it as you read my thoughts below?  The lyrics are at the end of the post.  :)





What a beautiful song!  My favorite hymns are those that so perfectly seem to match tone of the music with the message of the words.  This one speaks volumes about what I consider to be some of the most vital concepts of the gospel.  (Because of how important I think they are, no doubt they will sound very familiar on this blog.  Please forgive me if I become a broken record.)  :)

This song reminded me that one of the most crucial things that we do as members of the church and partakers of the gospel is to submit our will to God's.  This is what it means to me to truly have faith: to trust in God and His plan completely.  This is also the essence of what is being asked of us when we are told to offer up a broken heart and a contrite spirit.  It is us saying, "I know Thee Lord, and Thou art good and gracious and knoweth all things.  Therefore, Thy will be done."  Submitting ourselves to His will means more than just an attitude change, (though it certainly encompasses that.)  It means being willing to follow the promptings of the spirit and act.  It means, as the song says, being willing to go where He would have us go, say what He would have us say, and most importantly be who He would have us be.

This hymn addresses the fact that sometimes we're not called to do the most visible or grand things, those things that give people notoriety or fame.  In addition, we're often called to do things that are outside of our comfort zone or contrary to our natural inclinations.  But He asks these things of us with perfect knowledge of who we are and what we need, and He will prepare the way for us.

We are asked to do the seemingly impossible when we are encourage to be perfect even as Christ is perfect.  We are told to be like Christ in every way, because He was THE example for us of who we are meant to be.  And what did Christ do?  He served and loved with all His heart.  One of my favorite ideas from conference is the fact that we are called to be Christ's agents, to literally do the things He would do if He were here.  This isn't a terribly novel idea in the gospel, but this week it struck me in a new way.  When I speak to my friends, are the words I say the words He would say?  Is my tone of voice and body language reflective of the way I know He feels about this person and about me?  It really made me think.

So I challenge you to ask yourself now:  Am I TRULY willing to go where, say what, and be what God would have me go, say, and be?  And how am I witnessing my willingness with my actions?  The answers to these questions have to come from an honest heart, "acting no hypocrisy . . .  but with real intent" (2 Nephi 31:13).  And if you find your answers to be lacking, then make that change now!  Through the Atonement I know we can all change our very natures and wills to align with God's.  As we move forward in that quest, we should strive to live the last lines of the last verse of this hymn:  "So trusting my all to thy tender care, And knowing thou lovest me, I'll do thy will with a heart sincere: I'll be what you want me to be."

1. It may not be on the mountain height
Or over the stormy sea,
It may not be at the battle's front
My Lord will have need of me.
But if, by a still, small voice he calls
To paths that I do not know,
I'll answer, dear Lord, with my hand in thine:
I'll go where you want me to go.

[Chorus]
I'll go where you want me to go, dear Lord,
Over mountain or plain or sea;
I'll say what you want me to say, dear Lord;
I'll be what you want me to be.

2. Perhaps today there are loving words
Which Jesus would have me speak;
There may be now in the paths of sin
Some wand'rer whom I should seek.
O Savior, if thou wilt be my guide,
Tho dark and rugged the way,
My voice shall echo the message sweet:
I'll say what you want me to say.

3. There's surely somewhere a lowly place
In earth's harvest fields so wide
Where I may labor through life's short day
For Jesus, the Crucified.
So trusting my all to thy tender care,
And knowing thou lovest me,
I'll do thy will with a heart sincere:
I'll be what you want me to be.

Best Quotes from Conference

We have felt an incredible outpouring of the spirit in our home over the past two days due to our participation in General Conference.  I have boatloads of thoughts and things to share, but I thought I would kick it all off with my favorite quotes or one-liners from conference.  These messages not only were delivered with clarity and power, but they confirmed truth and whispered peace to my heart.  So, without further ado:

"Doubt your doubts before you doubt your faith."  -- Pres. Uchtdorf

"Each day is a day of decision, and decisions determine destiny."  -- Elder Nelson

"Remember, repentance is not punishment.  It is the hope-filled path to a more glorious future."  -- Elder Scott

"Seeing through the lens of mortality does not always give a complete understanding of the workings of God. . . . With time and eternal perspective we will see things as they really are."  -- Elder Andersen

"The power to create mortal life is the most exalted power God has given to His children."  -- Elder Oaks

"Man's law cannot make moral what God has proclaimed immoral."  -- Elder Oaks

"There's not a higher good than motherhood and fatherhood and marriage.  There is no superior career and no amount of money, authority, or public acclaim that can exceed the ultimate rewards of family."  -- Elder Christofferson

"Joy is guaranteed for the faithful."  -- Pres. Eyring

"Satan would have us give up priceless pearls of enduring happiness for a plastic counterfeit that brings no lasting joy."  -- Pres. Uchtdorf

"There is still much in life to be grateful about and hopeful about.  We are more than our limitations and weaknesses."  -- Elder Holland

"Some feminist thinkers view homemaking with outright contempt, arguing it demeans women.  This is not fair or right."  -- Elder Christofferson

"The scriptures hold the keys to spiritual protection."  -- Pres. Packer

"The acorn of honest inquiry often sprouts into a great oak of understanding."  -- Pres. Uchtdorf

"A grateful person is rich in contentment.  An ungrateful person suffers in the poverty of endless discontentment."  -- Elder Bednar

"Good timber does not come with ease.  The stronger the wind, the stronger the trees."  -- Pres. Monson

"If we allow our culture to reduce the special relationship that children have with mothers and grandmothers and others who nurture them, we will come to regret it."  -- Elder Cook


This is just a taste-test of the spiritual feast that is available to us through General Conference.  I have a testimony that these men truly are prophets and apostles of God.  He speaks through Him and we are blessed when we listen.

Testimony Roots

I've been in a bit of a slump spiritually for the last month.  I hate what it does to me.  I hate the repercussions that a loss of the spirit has on the rest of my life, on the way that I feel, how I think, the type of mother I am, and especially my ability to sustain and nurture relationships.

I'm finally on the upswing again.  I think sometimes that I have to hit my lowest before I feel motivated enough to make the necessary changes for the climb back up.  That's kind of what happened this time.  I wasn't reading my scriptures, or praying sincerely if I remembered to pray at all, and my passion for church and spiritual discussions was gone.  (Thus the extended break from blogging...)

I wish I could easily and concisely analyze what it was that snapped me out of it.  The only thing that I can remember is the deep yearning for peace again.  I longed for the clarity that I had been experiencing on an almost daily basis not that long ago.

I was trying to cut myself some slack, because we have been going through a pretty big transition time with plenty of unique challenges and distractions.  But even in the midst of all of that, I knew better than to tell myself that I didn't need the scriptures or prayer.  Bottomline, what was lacking was deeper than just me not going through my normal spiritual routines.  Sometimes those fall by the wayside for a time.  But the real cost of this time was my disconnect from my Heavenly Father.

This month has taught me more than ever how much of a life line my relationship with Him is.  It is real and it constitutes the deep roots of my testimony.  If everything else were to be ripped away, I still would never be able to deny the communication that I have experienced with Him, and from that the things I have learned and ways I have grown.

The really beautiful thing that follows though is that my testimony regenerates from those roots again and again.  When I began taking the time this week to reconnect with God, He gently reminded me of all that I know.

I know that Christ was the Son of God and that He was the only one who could atone for our sins.  I know that the Atonement is an irreplaceable part of my life, and I can't imagine living without a knowledge of it's truthfulness and experienceing it's effects in my life.  I need it continually, or else I am lost.

I know that the Book of Mormon is true.  It is powerful, and I have felt that power in my life everytime I have pursued a serious study of it.  I am taught remarkable truths from it's pages and I am filled with peace every time I apply the principles into my life.

I know that Thomas S. Monson is a prophet of God.  I have felt confirmations of this as I sought them in prayer, but also I am filled with a witness of it every time I hear him speak.  It is a quiet peace that comes when I listen to his words and seek to follow his counsel.

I know that the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints really is Christ's church.  It is led and directed by the Lord.  I know that the Restoration was a real and necessary part of the plan.  It was prophesied and prepared for long ago and I feel honored to be able to live in this last dispensation.  Joseph Smith really was a prophet of God.  I know that he saw the First Vision and translated the Book of Mormon.

How grateful I am for this testimony.  It is an anchor in the storms of my life.

Don't waste it...

You can learn spiritual lessons from the most unexpected places if you are open to receiving them.

Today mine came from the first Iron Man movie.

If you've seen the movie you will remember that Tony Stark has been injured and kidnapped by a terrorist group.  Another hostage named Yinsen saved his life by operating on him and keeping pieces of shrapnel from entering his heart.  He then proceeds to help Tony execute a plan to escape.  Together they build the first Iron Man suit.  In a very intense scene, Tony is suiting up and preparing to bust free, but the terrorists have caught on that something is up and are about to barge in and spoil their plans before they've even had a fighting chance.  Yinsen, with characteristic courage, grabs a gun and tells Tony that he will buy him some time.  He races out of the cave, shooting into the air and scaring them away.  He knows he is running to his certain death, but he is willing to sacrifice himself for Stark  Tony has time to power up and then fights his way out of the cave.

The moment that the lesson all came together for me was when Tony finds Yinsen and he is dying. In words that I find powerful and full of meaning, Yinsen tells him, "Don't waste it...  Don't waste your life."  He is pleading with Tony to not waste the sacrifice that he has just made.

Can you see it?

Yinsen is the Christ figure in this story, and Tony is all of us.  He saved Tony's life, inspired him to better, and then ultimately sacrificed himself so that Tony could be free.

Christ suffered in Gethsemane.  He hung on the cross.  He gave himself willingly... not for nothing, but for you and me!  He literally saved my life, both physically and spiritually.  And He has saved yours too.

Can't you hear Him whispering, pleading, "Please don't waste it... Don't waste this life I've given you."

The Bigger Picture

Imagine standing on a huge flat plane covered with dots of various size, shape, and color.  There are others with you, many people all walking or standing in groups discussing what all the blotches mean.  Many are of the opinion that it's random and unimportant.  Why worry about it?  Many others feel certain that there is meaning, but struggle to make sense of it.  Still others you see making a definite move in a certain direction.  They move with purpose, so you follow.

Ahead you see a Man.  He says, "Come, follow me."  As you do you are guided to a type of glass elevator.  You step on.  Slowly, but steadily, it rises into the sky.  As it does, you begin to recognize patterns forming in the many dots below.  A beautiful, glorious plan is taking shape.  You can now recognize figures and faces, objects and animals.  There is purpose and meaning.  It gradually makes sense.  There, laid out below you is the most grand and wonderful picture our Heavenly Father could paint for us.  It was always there, all around us, right below our feet.  We just couldn't see it on our own.  We lacked the perspective.

When we chose to align ourselves with Christ, the power of the Atonement lifted us up, improving us and improving our vision, allowing us to see as God sees, the grander picture.  We try to shout to those below about how beautiful it is!  How marvelous and glorious and wonderful!  But they only shake their heads and shout back that we are terribly mistaken.  They see no picture there, they see nothing of worth.  They see no order or purpose to the dots beneath their feet.  They "know" we must be wrong.

What shame.  Anyone who chooses to follow Christ, to lift their sights and their minds to things of an eternal nature will be blessed to see the bigger picture.

Spiritual Inception

What do you think about in those quiet moments when there is nothing else in particular to think about? Video games? Food? Your favorite TV show? Your current hobby? Whatever it is, it is likely the same thing that gets a large amount of your time, attention, and energy. This is what you have given precedence in your life. I would propose that whatever has precedence has power in your life. This is the thing that you have most recently allowed to influence you for better or worse.  Have you given your time, attention, energy and thoughts to the right thing?  Have you chosen the best thing?

The scriptures tell us, “For as [a man] thinketh in his heart, so is he” (Proverbs 23:7). This means that it matters what we give precedence in our life, since that is what will occupy our thoughts and will in turn lead us to who we will become. Thus it is all the more important that we be deliberate and intentional and follow the spirit in our choices of how to spend our time.

I have learned recently just how subtle and sly the adversary really is. He really is smart. In the war in heaven I always imagined that Satan was fighting the whiteness of purity with the total blackness of sin. Instead, I am learning that he is more likely to battle whiteness with off-whiteness. He wants to taint our thinking and paradigms. If he can get us to accept just one error—just one idea that is slightly askew; perhaps a half truth or a twisted, corrupted piece of truth—He has succeeded in starting us down his path of spiritual destruction. 

This is what I have begun calling Spiritual Inception. If you've seen the movie, you know what I'm talking about. If you haven't, let me explain: the entire premise of the movie Inception is that an idea introduced and planted deep enough into your mind can completely overtake you. Likewise, if we are not watchful, as the scriptures advise us, we could inadvertently allow one little thought or idea take over our whole lives and ruin our peace and happiness.

Now, this sounds very alarmist, and I don't mean to be. I just want to impress upon our minds the seriousness of the battle that we undertake with the enemy. He wants us to be confused, deceived, misled... but he can succeed in his quest only if we allow him.  This is why it is imperative that we choose to fill our lives with things that inspire, edify, and uplift.  We must choose to let the gospel of Jesus Christ take precedence in our homes, and we must be ever wary of the adversary's attempts to get us off course.

“Verily, verily, I say unto you, ye must watch and pray always, lest ye be tempted by the devil, and ye be led away captive by him. . . . Behold, verily, verily, I say unto you, ye must watch and pray always lest ye enter into temptation; for Satan desireth to have you, that he may sift you as wheat. ” (3 Nephi 18:15, 18)

Watch and pray always it repeats.  To watch means to have an increased alertness and an awareness of the danger at hand.  I believe that there are two ways that we can be more watchful.  One is to be more selective in how we spend our time (what we allow to influence us,) and the other is to weigh carefully the ideas and truths that are presented.  Do they fit into and mesh well with the truths that we already know?

As I have thought about those who have already let false ideas seep into their paradigms, I have been reminded of the story of Moses and the brass serpent.  When we sin, we are like the Israelites who were punished by being bitten by flying serpents.  These poisonous ideas can potentially kill us spiritually.  They destroy our peace and happiness.   We long for a cure.  How do those who have been led astray come back?  Additionally, how can those who might face the temptations of Satan stand strong?  The answer is the same for both questions, and it is simple--too simple some would argue.  In the story, Moses is instructed by God to raise up a brass serpent and all who would look on it would live.  But some would not.

41 And he did straiten them in the wilderness with his rod; for they hardened their hearts, even as ye have; and the Lord straitened them because of their iniquity. He sent fiery flying serpents among them; and after they were bitten he prepared a way that they might be healed; and the labor which they had to perform was to look; and because of the simpleness of the way, or the easiness of it, there were many who perished. (Book of Mormon, 1 Nephi, Chapter 17)

Don't let the simple answers fool you.  They are powerful and essential.  Discarding them will be your downfall.  The brass serpent represents Christ.  We must look to Christ and live!  This is the simple answer.

How do we look to Christ? Pray, study the scriptures, ponder, keep journals, participate in church, go to the temple regularly, do family history work. Pay tithing, be charitable and obedient. Do family home evening, family prayer, family scripture study, family council and family meals. Create righteous rituals and routines, give service, magnify your callings, and find ways to go the extra mile in your devotion to God.

Too simple? No.  I have a testimony that these practices will help us to keep the spirit in our homes and help us to resist even the most subtle advances of the devil. They serve as constant reminders of reality, of the truths that we know, and of the things that are most important. They keep us busy with the best things so that we don't even have time to indulge in the less worthy things. Most of all, I know that these things bring me peace and joy and help me to feel confidence in God's presence.

45 Let thy bowels also be full of charity towards all men, and to the household of faith, and let virtue garnish thy thoughts unceasingly; then shall thy confidence wax strong in the presence of God; and the doctrine of the priesthood shall distil upon thy soul as the dews from heaven. (Doctrine and Covenants, Doctrine and Covenants, Section 121)

Checking the roots

"Now, we will compare the word unto a seed. Now, if ye give place, that a seed may be planted in your heart, behold, if it be a true seed, or a good seed, if ye do not cast it out by your unbelief, that ye will resist the Spirit of the Lord, behold, it will begin to swell within your breasts; and when you feel these swelling motions, ye will begin to say within yourselves—It must needs be that this is a good seed, or that the word is good, for it beginneth to enlarge my soul; yea, it beginneth to enlighten my understanding, yea, it beginneth to be delicious to me." (Book of Mormon, Alma 32:28)

This year my sweet three-year-old and I planted flowers.  I had some old seeds from a mothers day gift and my daughter and I bought the dirt and pot to plant them in.  She was so excited.  Me--I was skeptical.  I do NOT have a green thumb.  My experience has been that I kill every plant I touch.  So, although I wanted the seeds to grow, I honestly had no faith that they would.  I didn't know what I was doing.  I wasn't sure if I was watering them too much or not enough, whether they were getting enough sunlight in our dark apartment, whether I had planted them too deep or far enough apart, and so on.

But I guess by definition I was exercising my faith by my action of planting them, watering them daily, and watching to see if anything happened.  And something did happen.  Not too long after we planted them we started to see tiny little shoots poking out of the soil.  I was giddy!  I literally cried.  Why did this matter so much to me?  I'm really not sure.  But it did.  It was thrilling to know that I could grow something.  That I could nurture it and give it what it needed.  There are many different analogies that could be drawn from this story, but today I want to focus on the scripture above.

I takes faith to plant a seed and wait to see if it grows.  But if it is a good seed, and you are being intent in your nurturing of the seed, it will grow.  It will flourish as you care for it, and this is how you grow a testimony.

My flowers were growing steadily, getting stronger and thicker.  I was so proud of them.  I guess they represented for me the fact that I was capable of more than I give myself credit for.  I can do hard things.  That's why I was so crushed one morning to find this:

My one-year-old had climbed on a chair and gotten to my flowers.  She had yanked them out of the soil and tossed them on the ground.  Only a few sad little shoots survived the purge.  I was heartbroken.  Again, I cried.  I was frankly surprised by my emotional reaction.  It wasn't until this point that I realized how much those flowers meant to me and what they represented.

As I sadly gathered them up off the floor, I noticed that most of the roots were still intact.  Maybe they could still be saved!  I carefully replanted each one and put my pot back in the windowsill.  When I was finished my mind naturally turned to the analogy hidden in this experience.

I recently had confronted some difficult questions about the church and the gospel as I perceived it.  It had really shaken my spiritual world and I was left to reassemble my testimony again and again.  I realized through the experience with my flowers that what I had really been doing was pulling up my testimony plant to check it's roots.  Did I really know there was a God?  Did I really believe in Christ?  And more presently, did I really know the LDS church was true?  I kept allowing myself to read faith questioning literature disguised as just another persepctive, and in doing so I was walking a dangerous line.  I kept forcing myself to check the roots of my testimony.  This had the potential to weaken and maybe even kill my testimony.

So what should I have been doing instead? My seeds had grown, my faith had been rewarded, the seeds were good.  My testimony plant was growing beautiful and strong.  These were all evidence that the roots were fine, sufficiently feeding my plant.  Instead of tearing it out of the ground, I should have been feeding my plant with water, sunlight, and fresh air--with prayer, scripture study, and service.

Now, it's not a perfect metaphor, but this experience and the analogy it produced in my mind spoke truth to my heart.  To illustrate further, consider this scripture story about Jesus approaching his disciples in the boat, walking on the water.

27 But straightway Jesus spake unto them, saying, Be of good cheer; it is I; be not afraid.
28 And Peter answered him and said, Lord, if it be thou, bid me come unto thee on the water.
29 And he said, Come. And when Peter was come down out of the ship, he walked on the water, to go to Jesus.
30 But when he saw the wind boisterous, he was afraid; and beginning to sink, he cried, saying, Lord, save me.
31 And immediately Jesus stretched forth his hand, and caught him, and said unto him, O thou of little faith, wherefore didst thou doubt?
32 And when they were come into the ship, the wind ceased.
33 Then they that were in the ship came and worshipped him, saying, Of a truth thou art the Son of God. (New Testament, Matthew, Chapter 14)

In this story, it is the moment that Peter takes His eyes off the Savior--when he gives his attention to the storm around him instead of giving his attentions to Christ--that he begins to fear and doubt and sink.   Now, I'm not saying that we can or should stick our heads in the sand or that it's better to be oblivious to the war that wages around us.  But I do think it is important for each of us to stop and consider carefully what we are giving our prime time and attention to.  We must be aware of the power and influence we give to whatever or whoever has our focus.

Do you participate and engage in things that edify and uplift you?  Or do you find yourself doubting and drowning, and continually checking your roots?

If this is the case, I challenge you to replant your testimony and then feed it with positive sources that reflect and magnify the light of Christ.  Go back to the basics: pray intently, study the scriptures, go to church and the temple, be selfless in your service to others.  This requires faith.  It takes faith to believe that you don't need to check the roots.  But your faith will be rewarded.  It is only in this way that your testimony of the gospel can strengthen and flourish, and your roots can develop and grow.