Testimony Roots

I've been in a bit of a slump spiritually for the last month.  I hate what it does to me.  I hate the repercussions that a loss of the spirit has on the rest of my life, on the way that I feel, how I think, the type of mother I am, and especially my ability to sustain and nurture relationships.

I'm finally on the upswing again.  I think sometimes that I have to hit my lowest before I feel motivated enough to make the necessary changes for the climb back up.  That's kind of what happened this time.  I wasn't reading my scriptures, or praying sincerely if I remembered to pray at all, and my passion for church and spiritual discussions was gone.  (Thus the extended break from blogging...)

I wish I could easily and concisely analyze what it was that snapped me out of it.  The only thing that I can remember is the deep yearning for peace again.  I longed for the clarity that I had been experiencing on an almost daily basis not that long ago.

I was trying to cut myself some slack, because we have been going through a pretty big transition time with plenty of unique challenges and distractions.  But even in the midst of all of that, I knew better than to tell myself that I didn't need the scriptures or prayer.  Bottomline, what was lacking was deeper than just me not going through my normal spiritual routines.  Sometimes those fall by the wayside for a time.  But the real cost of this time was my disconnect from my Heavenly Father.

This month has taught me more than ever how much of a life line my relationship with Him is.  It is real and it constitutes the deep roots of my testimony.  If everything else were to be ripped away, I still would never be able to deny the communication that I have experienced with Him, and from that the things I have learned and ways I have grown.

The really beautiful thing that follows though is that my testimony regenerates from those roots again and again.  When I began taking the time this week to reconnect with God, He gently reminded me of all that I know.

I know that Christ was the Son of God and that He was the only one who could atone for our sins.  I know that the Atonement is an irreplaceable part of my life, and I can't imagine living without a knowledge of it's truthfulness and experienceing it's effects in my life.  I need it continually, or else I am lost.

I know that the Book of Mormon is true.  It is powerful, and I have felt that power in my life everytime I have pursued a serious study of it.  I am taught remarkable truths from it's pages and I am filled with peace every time I apply the principles into my life.

I know that Thomas S. Monson is a prophet of God.  I have felt confirmations of this as I sought them in prayer, but also I am filled with a witness of it every time I hear him speak.  It is a quiet peace that comes when I listen to his words and seek to follow his counsel.

I know that the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints really is Christ's church.  It is led and directed by the Lord.  I know that the Restoration was a real and necessary part of the plan.  It was prophesied and prepared for long ago and I feel honored to be able to live in this last dispensation.  Joseph Smith really was a prophet of God.  I know that he saw the First Vision and translated the Book of Mormon.

How grateful I am for this testimony.  It is an anchor in the storms of my life.